A Baptismal Testimony from a Cancer Patient  

一个癌症病人受洗时的见证

我自幼生长一个基督教的家庭里,因此小时候就开始明白耶稣基督是我的主和我的拯救者。大概是在十岁的那一年,当我母亲带领我在主前认罪悔改,接受耶稣基督进入我的心中为主宰的那一刻,我清楚的记得有一股从天而来的确据和爱浇灌在我的身上。从那一刻开始,我深信我已经是神的孩子,一个重生得救的基督徒,也得到了神的救恩。

回首过往,神实在给我无限的恩典,使我成长爱一个温暖且慈爱的基督徒家庭,神丰盛的怜悯超过我所想所求,使我一无所缺。神 为我打开了许多蒙福的通道, 让我生活在父母、兄长的疼爱之下,神也为我自己预备了一个美满的家庭。

只是“天有不测风云,人有旦夕之祸福”;去年六月当我外出旅行的时候,医生通知我,我被查出患有乳房癌。这个消息对我的家庭是个多么大的打击啊。那时,我的两个儿子大的一个才两岁半,而小的一个才九个月。当我去做乳房切片检查的时候,为了不让家里其他人有无故的担忧,除了我丈夫斯考特知道以外,我固执地没有告诉任何人。然而在我独自一人在离家千里以外接到这个消息的时候,我就只能一人感到彷徨和茫然,而且我还得让家人来面对这个新的难题。但是神没有让我感到手足无措,感谢主,神立时提醒我神是信实、是永恒的 ,神绝不会撇下任何一个属于他的儿女。经过一夜的细思,次日清晨我独自一人走在室外的小径上,四周寂静一片,想到唯一自己能做的就是把一切用信心交托在主耶稣手里。 当我抬头往前看的时,在一片满了露水的田野中,有一只梅花鹿站在那里定眼看着我,不论我走到哪里,它的视线一直跟随着我。立时有一种笔墨难以形容的平安透过我全身。神的话语,在诗篇四十六篇第十节说,“你们要休息,要知道我是神,我必在外邦中被尊崇,在遍地上也被尊崇”。在哥林多后书十二章第九节,“我的恩典够你用,因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全”。这两处圣经突然出现在我的脑海中,好像是神亲自吩咐我要在主里安静、信靠并顺服,因为不论我遭到任何境遇、不论后果如何,神永远是信实的。那掌管 宇宙的神必与我同在。

接着是一生中最艰难九个月的疗程。过程当中,我也曾经有过软弱、疑惑、及害怕的时刻。但是每次神都教导我如果在大事小事上用数算神的恩典来增加我对神的信心。疗程期间,亲友们的慰问及鼓励的咭片似雪花般飞来,教会弟兄姊妹的代祷及预备饭菜,还有曾经经受过乳腺癌痛苦的朋友不时来电话问候及指导。虽然自己已经是秃了头,我那亲爱的丈夫还是不断地 称赞我漂亮,母亲不惜辛苦地照顾和鼓励。当我全无食欲时,三个侄女花三个小时做我喜欢吃的饼干,三个侄儿每次到访时,总是紧紧地拥抱我,三位长兄、长嫂不惜牺牲自己的休息,开车来替我照顾我的两个小孩,把他们的爱丰丰富富地浇灌在我两个孩子的心里。当我无力从床上起来的时候,神籍着我那三岁的儿子对我说,“妈妈,耶稣在看顾你!”还有,在我第一次做化疗时因为有反应,所以在以后的每次化疗前总是先给我一些抗过敏的药。这些药不但让我的反应减少,而且把疗程间所引起不舒服的呕吐感受,都被我的沉睡 而安然渡过。神让我看到以上这一切并非来自偶然,而是那信实的主用他那无穷的恩典托着我,使我在患难中更深地体会到神的恩典和神的慈爱及神的信实。原来这些都是叫我在顺服与信心上更进一步的学习,不再永远 在属灵的功课上作一个只会吃奶的婴孩。

别人也许会问我为什么不早日受洗加入教会。答案是:一方面我是最怕成为一个众视之的的人;另一方面我认为一个人不能因为有没有受洗或者加入不加入教会来断定是否得到永生。要得到 永远的生命是要从心里认罪、相信耶稣基督的宝血的大能,愿意接受耶稣为我个人的救主;这样才能与上帝和好,得着永不朽坏的生命及今生的平安。因此我总以为只要上帝知道, 我有耶稣在心中就够了。别人怎么看我,那不是个问题。可是三个月以前,神用马太福音三章是十三节那一段的经文开了我那愚昧的心思意念,使我看到耶稣基督为了要遵行神的旨意,亲自来到约旦河接受约翰给他的施洗,谦卑地顺服在神安排的计划中,为此,我决定学习基督的榜样,在众人面前受洗我已经与耶稣基督同钉十字架、埋葬、又与他一同复活,成为一个新人。

愿一切的尊荣都归于我主耶稣基督!

 

I was raised in a Christian home and by God’s grace came to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior at an early age.  I don’t remember exactly how old I was at the time, I imagine somewhere around 10 years of age. I do, however, distinctly remember the feeling of assurance and love that washed over me as I prayed with my mother confessing my need for a Savior and inviting Jesus into my heart.  From that day forward I’ve not wavered in the confidence that I was a child of God and an heir of salvation.  

God has blessed me beyond measure throughout my lifetime.  He gave me a warm, loving, Christian home in which to grow up.  He provided for me above and beyond my needs. He gave me opportunities so many do not have.  He blessed me with a beautiful family of my own.   

But as much as I feel His presence during the highs in my life it pales in comparison to the grace and mercy I experience during the lows. In June of last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was out of town when I got the news and was devastated as I thought of my family.  Our two sons were 2 ½ years and my daughter was  9 months old at the time.  Only my husband Scott knew I had undergone a breast biopsy. I had not wanted to needlessly worry anyone as initially all indications were that the lesion was benign. I found myself thousands of miles away from home and my family trying to come to terms with this new reality.  But God is so gracious and never leaves us to flounder on our own.  He is ever present.  Never more did I feel the comfort and peace that can come only from God the Father than the morning after receiving the diagnosis.  After a fitful night of sleep the numbness of the news was wearing off.  Fear and uncertainty were starting to take grip.  I got up early and took a walk by myself outside the cabin I was staying in with my girlfriends.  I walked on the quiet rural roads of Indiana as the sun came up and did the only thing I knew to do.  I prayed.  And when I looked up across a field covered in morning dew I spotted a doe staring directly at me. There was no one else there, no cars driving past, no neighbors in their yards, just this doe and me. As I slowly passed by, the doe stood perfectly still but continued to follow me with his eyes.  Immediately a profound sense of calm swept through me and the words of Psalm 46:10 and 2 Cor. 12:9 were pressed on my heart.  Ps 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.” while 2 Cor. 12:9 reminds us “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  The Lord was telling me to rest assured, for even though it felt like my world was spinning out of control, He, in actuality, was in complete control.  He would give me the strength and comfort I needed to face this trial and no matter the outcome it would be for His glory. 

The subsequent year of treatment was not easy by any means, in fact, it was the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. I wish I could say I faced it unwaveringly like a warrior, but I’ll be honest, there were times of weakness, doubt, and fear.  But each time God would sustain me and open my eyes to His blessings, big and small.  There was the blessing of being surrounded by the love, both tangible and intangible, of family, church family, and friends.  The prayers for me and my family, the cards and phone calls of encouragement, the meals that were provided, the help with childcare, the faithful inquiries week after week as to how I was feeling all reminded me that I was not alone in this fight.  The blessing of support from those God had brought into my life whom had battled breast cancer before me.  The incredible blessing of our two sons, as I was poignantly reminded one day while watching television of the struggle many young women have with infertility after undergoing chemotherapy. The blessing of a mother who showered me with tender loving care as only a mother can.  The blessing of a supportive husband who continued to tell me how beautiful I was even when I was in the throes of chemo.  The blessing of family and friends who embraced our sons with love during a time when I physically wasn’t able to.  The blessing of our son Lucas who on days I was too weak to get out of bed would come into our bedroom before he left for school and remind me that “Jesus is watching over you, MaMa” and ask if I wanted him to pray for me.  The blessing of nieces who would spend 3 hours making cookies for me because I had no appetite for anything else.  The blessing of nephews who would always greet me with hugs.  The blessing even of having an unusual minor allergic reaction to one of the chemotherapy drugs, for because of that I was premedicated with Benadryl each time and was able to sleep thru every treatment.  And most importantly the blessing we have as believers of a compassionate, loving, caring, faithful Lord full of mercy and grace who patiently molds us by the trials in our lives. 

Why it is that I have never before been baptized before?  Baptism is a public profession of one’s faith in the risen Lord, an act in front of others reflecting what has already taken place in your heart. The actual baptism has nothing to do with receiving the gift of salvation.  Although all true, from that I erroneously concluded that baptism was optional.  Great if one felt led to it and okay if one didn’t.  I’ve always been one to be a bit uncomfortable when eyes are directed towards me and had convinced myself that it was fine that I had never stood up in front of others to state what God already knew to be true in my heart.  However, a few months ago He directed me to Matthew 3:13 which says, “Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.”  I had always known that Jesus was baptized, but suddenly my eyes were opened to the fact that this was a purposeful act.  Jesus deliberately came to the Jordan and the reason was to be baptized.  It wasn’t something that He just happened upon and decided to do.  My willful decision not to be baptized had no impact on my assurance of salvation, however, it was an act of disobedience.  I want to get baptized because Jesus is our perfect example.  I stand up in obedience today and proclaim that I belong to Him.