I was raised in a Christian home and by God’s grace came to know Jesus
as my Lord and Savior at an early age. I don’t remember exactly how old
I was at the time, I imagine somewhere around 10 years of age. I do,
however, distinctly remember the feeling of assurance and love that
washed over me as I prayed with my mother confessing my need for a
Savior and inviting Jesus into my heart. From that day forward I’ve not
wavered in the confidence that I was a child of God and an heir of
salvation.
God has blessed
me beyond measure throughout my lifetime. He gave me a warm, loving,
Christian home in which to grow up. He provided for me above and beyond
my needs. He gave me opportunities so many do not have. He blessed me
with a beautiful family of my own.
But as much as
I feel His presence during the highs in my life it pales in comparison
to the grace and mercy I experience during the lows. In June of last
year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was out of town when I got
the news and was devastated as I thought of my family. Our two sons were 2
½ years and my daughter was 9 months old at the time. Only my husband Scott knew I had
undergone a breast biopsy. I had not wanted to needlessly worry anyone
as initially all indications were that the lesion was benign. I found
myself thousands of miles away from home and my family trying to come to
terms with this new reality. But God is so gracious and never leaves us
to flounder on our own. He is ever present. Never more did I feel the
comfort and peace that can come only from God the Father than the
morning after receiving the diagnosis. After a fitful night of sleep
the numbness of the news was wearing off. Fear and uncertainty were
starting to take grip. I got up early and took a walk by myself outside
the cabin I was staying in with my girlfriends. I walked on the quiet
rural roads of Indiana as the sun came up and did the only thing I knew
to do. I prayed. And when I looked up across a field covered in
morning dew I spotted a doe staring directly at me. There was no one
else there, no cars driving past, no neighbors in their yards, just this
doe and me. As I slowly passed by, the doe stood perfectly still but
continued to follow me with his eyes. Immediately a profound sense of
calm swept through me and the words of Psalm 46:10 and 2 Cor. 12:9 were
pressed on my heart. Ps 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.”
while 2 Cor. 12:9 reminds us “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness.” The Lord was telling me to rest
assured, for even though it felt like my world was spinning out of
control, He, in actuality, was in complete control. He would give me
the strength and comfort I needed to face this trial and no matter the
outcome it would be for His glory.
The subsequent
year of treatment was not easy by any means, in fact, it was the most
difficult I’ve ever experienced. I wish I could say I faced it
unwaveringly like a warrior, but I’ll be honest, there were times of
weakness, doubt, and fear. But each time God would sustain me and open
my eyes to His blessings, big and small. There was the blessing of
being surrounded by the love, both tangible and intangible, of family,
church family, and friends. The prayers for me and my family, the cards
and phone calls of encouragement, the meals that were provided, the help
with childcare, the faithful inquiries week after week as to how I was
feeling all reminded me that I was not alone in this fight. The
blessing of support from those God had brought into my life whom had
battled breast cancer before me. The incredible blessing of our two
sons, as I was poignantly reminded one day while watching television of
the struggle many young women have with infertility after undergoing
chemotherapy. The blessing of a mother who showered me with tender
loving care as only a mother can. The blessing of a supportive husband
who continued to tell me how beautiful I was even when I was in the
throes of chemo. The blessing of family and friends who embraced our
sons with love during a time when I physically wasn’t able to. The
blessing of our son Lucas who on days I was too weak to get out of bed
would come into our bedroom before he left for school and remind me that
“Jesus is watching over you, MaMa” and ask if I wanted him to pray for
me. The blessing of nieces who would spend 3 hours making cookies for
me because I had no appetite for anything else. The blessing of nephews
who would always greet me with hugs. The blessing even of having an
unusual minor allergic reaction to one of the chemotherapy drugs, for
because of that I was premedicated with Benadryl each time and was able
to sleep thru every treatment. And most importantly the blessing we
have as believers of a compassionate, loving, caring, faithful Lord full
of mercy and grace who patiently molds us by the trials in our lives.
Why it is that
I have never before been baptized before? Baptism is a public
profession of one’s faith in the risen Lord, an act in front of others
reflecting what has already taken place in your heart. The actual
baptism has nothing to do with receiving the gift of salvation.
Although all true, from that I erroneously concluded that baptism was
optional. Great if one felt led to it and okay if one didn’t. I’ve
always been one to be a bit uncomfortable when eyes are directed towards
me and had convinced myself that it was fine that I had never stood up
in front of others to state what God already knew to be true in my
heart. However, a few months ago He directed me to Matthew 3:13 which
says, “Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by
John.” I had always known that Jesus was baptized, but suddenly my eyes
were opened to the fact that this was a purposeful act. Jesus
deliberately came to the Jordan and the reason was to be baptized. It
wasn’t something that He just happened upon and decided to do. My
willful decision not to be baptized had no impact on my assurance of
salvation, however, it was an act of disobedience. I want to get
baptized because Jesus is our perfect example. I stand up in obedience
today and proclaim that I belong to Him.